What We Have
by Yamabushi
Summary: A somewhat angsty Yuki stream of consciousness...


Disclaimer: I make no claim to Fruits Basket or any of the characters contained therein. The idea for this piece came to me around 2 in the morning as I attempted to get sleep (a laughable concept, since I'm in college and all). I was introduced to this series at the suggestion of my brother, and I was also somewhat curious to find out just what the hell he meant by saying that he was the Ayame to my Yuki. I saw the entire series in approximately 24 hours or less, and it has quickly become one of my favorite titles. Well, enough of my rambling. Read on, reader! Hope you enjoy it!  
  
  
  
What We Have  
  
What was it?   
  
I'm not quite sure what it was that first attracted me to her. It couldn't have been anything physical--I know myself better than that. That is not to say there is something wrong there, of course. I can say without fear of contradiction that I have never laid eyes upon a more beautiful human being. Her soft brown hair, shining blue eyes, and that smile...A man could lose himself in that smile of hers. Now that I think of it, perhaps one physical trait was appealing to me at our first meeting. Her smile made me feel at ease, perhaps for the first time in my life...The sweetness, the slight naiveté...the pure innocence of it made me weak and strong at the same time. Simply by smiling, she could set anything right, it seemed. Whether it be in my everyday quarrels with the idiot cat, or going face-to-face with Akito, the man I fear most, that smile was the most powerful force I had ever seen.  
  
Perhaps it was...the fact that she didn't want me because of who I was. Every day, I'm reminded of who everyone thinks I am. The ridiculous cheers, the conspicuous glances during class, the tons upon tons of love letters intercepted by my "fans"...All of these are common things for "The Prince". While most other boys would kill to have this, I hate it. I hate it with all my heart. The reason I hate it is this: Those girls want me because I'm attractive, because I'm smart, and because I'm responsible. These may all be traits of mine, but they're not the real me. She was the first girl who didn't care that I was attractive. She didn't care that I was smart. She didn't care about my responsibility. She cared about me...about Yuki Souma.  
  
It may have been that sweetness she has, now that I think of it...That side of her she showed to everyone, and my family most of all. Time spent with her was the best time of my life. Be it the hours spent studying for exams, the wonderful meals she prepared for us, the blissful moments together at my "secret base"...I could never have imagined being so happy before we met.   
  
Maybe I was drawn to her strength...That inner force that drove her through the worst situations. She has had a worse life than almost anyone I know, but only once or twice have I ever seen her cry. Although she seems so fragile, she possesses a spirit thousands of times stronger than mine. She always managed to come out of disaster with that same sweet smile, as if the trial she had just overcome took no effort at all. She has taken more pain than I myself would be able to bear, yet she remains seemingly unharmed.  
  
Whatever it was, something about her freed my heart. For the first time in ages, I could laugh. I could smile, not sarcastically as I do to the idiot cat's challenges, but purely, warmly, from the heart. I could forget my worries, and just laugh along with her. Seeing her every day is a blessing I am undeserving of. I cannot stand next to her without wanting to hold her. I long to take her hand in mine, and just let time flow on without end. My soul was once empty, but now overflows with a warmth that can only be defined as love.  
  
However, with this comes great pain. Even though I have fallen for this girl--even though I care more for her than anything else--I cannot deny that she loves someone else. Each day, I am forced to see them together. Of course, she still cares for me, though. We still study together before exams...She still takes care of me if I'm sick or depressed...And we still look after the garden together...But when all is said and done, she leaves hand in hand with him...My antithesis.   
  
I suppose I should have seen it sooner. After all, she had loved his type from day one. They were connected in a way, actually. The rice ball left out of the game, and the animal left out of the party...She didn't simply love him for these reasons, though. The day we confronted his true form was the ultimate test of her love, and she passed the way she always does...By caring unconditionally...By smiling that smile of hers. Part of me cried out that day, in a mess of confusion and anger. Why him? I thought. What about all the moments we shared? What about my feelings for you? It didn't make sense...Nothing made sense.  
  
So much time has passed since then, and I have come to accept the truth. I can never be with her. I can only be support...little more than a brotherly figure. I'll never know what it's like to feel her soft lips on mine. I'll never be able to lose myself in her eyes. I'll never be able to hear her whisper to me the three words I begged with all my heart to hear.  
  
The funny thing is, though...Although it hurts me to the core of my soul to look at them...Although I know that when she gives that dreamy gaze, he will be the one receiving it...The funny thing about all of it, and I can't help but smile as I think of this...  
  
What we have...What exists between Tohru and I...  
  
I wouldn't trade it for anything else.  
  
  
  
THE END  
  
************  
  
Author's Note: Whew! Hope you enjoyed this little piece! Just for the record, I'm a major Yuki x Tohru fan. It just seemed to me though, as I saw the last few episodes, the series was really leaning towards Kyou x Tohru. Well, maybe the manga sheds a little more light-I'll have to find it at a con or something. Well, I'm outta here. I love feedback, so if ya got any questions or comments, send 'em on over to KinjiruSan13@aol.com. And remember to check out my website; we've got a bunch of rare fanfics of the highest quality.and my own stuff is there, too. (Yamabushi pauses as he realizes he just bashed his own writing. He sweatdrops.) Well, g'night everybody!!! 


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